she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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