your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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