He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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