dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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