I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize