I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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