I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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