On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize