So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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