Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize