You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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