Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
