A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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