You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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