last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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