I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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