still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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