you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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