i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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