you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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