Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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