I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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