ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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