...so i touched it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Success! We fucked roommates!
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