Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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