my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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