I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize