What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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