Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize