but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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