I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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