Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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