Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize