he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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