i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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