Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
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Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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