I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize