Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize