apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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