Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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