There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize