I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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