well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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