Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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