I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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