She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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