He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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