Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize