i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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