Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize